Uncut Comedy

Uncut Comedy returns for another evening of laughs, laughing and laughter. Sorry, I lost my thesaurus. But anyway, we've got a great varied line-up of top Auckland-based stand-ups – amateurs and semi-pros alike are poised and ready to launch a volley of great gags all over the crowd. Well they ought to be... They're locked in the green room as I type, living off a diet of shredded joke books, minced comedy DVDs and their own hilarity-infused tears. Bottom line: if you don't come, I can't afford to keep them and they'll starve. Do you really want that on your conscience?

Tickets are just $10 – this includes a beer, wine or any soft drink. For almost two hours of live comedy from a diverse range of performers and the promise of a cheap bar, you can't go wrong. Unless you step under a speeding bus on the way. Wrong and dead. That'd be doubly unfunny. There'll also be cinema tickets to be won – Art House ones – so you can feel all educated and highbrow and stuff.

The show is happening in the large auditorium of the Academy Cinema, tucked under the Auckland Central Library building at 44 Lorne Street, approximately 38 seconds from the intersection of Wellesley and Queen Street. Or 59 seconds if you're walking especially slowly to avoid that annoying half-acquaintance and the resulting painful chitchat.

Tickets available now, and those paid for before 5pm on the day will get a free special cinema-related novelty item! Call 09 3732761 for reservations and throw any questions to uncutcomedy@gmail.com. Also become a fan on Facebook for all the latest news – facebook.com/uncutcomedy. My fingers are exhausted. That's all.

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